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I will begin my story a few years before I left for Edmonton, Alberta.
I graduated from Chiropractic College and began work in August 2010. I was working at two clinics and going to weekend courses for my certification in pediatrics and pregnancy. I was barely making payments on everything. Those same student choices between necessities and food that I had been making the past decade, I was still doing. You will soon learn about me, that knowledge is a necessity, that I would gladly take before food, however, food is integral to living a healthy life.
I was in a terrible relationship, in a two bedroom, run-down apartment in Stoney Creek, Ontario. I realized, “I can not, I will not, do this anymore”. Where did that come from? I have had thoughts of suicide in the past. But, to be frank, I was sick of it, sick of everything that was happening. I was so critical of myself. I was so negative. I dare say, “I hate myself”.
Since I left home at 19 years old, I realized, I was living what everyone else wanted for me. I am 30 years old now. Do not get me wrong, I was always doing what I ultimately wanted, but it was always a struggle. A battle to get people to bug off! Keep your opinions and your negativity to yourself! I only want positive thoughts now. It has been too long with a tough life of mental emotional havoc!
I decided, and did, break up with my boyfriend. That is a whole other story, for another day. However, that is where everything changed for me.
I decided no more negativity. Is there not something on positive thinking I have read in the past? I began putting up post-it notes, and letters, all around the apartment. Things I may not have even believed, but knew I would read everyday. On my nightstand, on the walls in the hallway, on the door, the kitchen table, the bathroom mirror, literally, everywhere!!! Notes that would say, “I am beautiful”, “I am smart”, “I am successful”, etcetera. Or it would be an inspirational quote, my favorite still being, “The moment you are ready to quit is usually the moment before the miracle happens”.
Then I sat down and wrote out what I truly wanted. What I truly enjoyed doing. Wow! That list was different then I expected. It really made me realize how much I was doing things for others. Then I realized, what do I really want in my soul-mate. I wrote out a description on four pages, on the perfect man for me. I even began laughing, and remember pointing to the ceiling and saying, “try to get this for me”.
All these new habits went on for a few months. I even found a better clinic to work at. I began to meditate daily too. I did not know how at first, but hey, anything to stop the mental negative chatter was great to me.